Feeling better today. I'm still really sore, and my shoulder throbs when I get up from laying down to sit up or to sit up from standing. I am getting better, I can tell. Still really limited range of motion, but I'm trying to make myself use my right arm more and reach for more stuff. It doesn't help that because of all the needle pokes, my vein in the middle of my elbow hurts really bad when I straighten it out. i guess it's scarring up while healing.

I definitely feel the port a lot now. It's really weird. If my muscle moves a certain way or I say a certain word to cause my neck tendons to move, I feel the port. it doesn't really hurt, but it's tender and weird and I don't care for it. Probably the hardest thing for me is that I can't just take it out. If something bothers you, you remedy the situation. Is your hair in your face? Put it in a ponytail. Got an itch? you scratch it. Bleeding? Bandaid. Port bothering you? Just uh, well, deal with it.

Thinking about a foreign object in me does make me feel slightly gross and naseous (And one day I'll learn to properly spell nauseous). I think it goes back to that fact I can't take it out, which goes back to lack of control, which goes back to the root of all my issues. I couldn't control getting sick, all the tests, or the chemo i have to through. But I guess I can also look at it as I am taking control of this disease because if I don't, well, you know what happens.

A random woman out West reached out to me after I made a post on a lymphoma page on Facebook. It's been nice to have someone to talk to who's been through this. She was diagnosed 12 years ago when she was just 14. She's cancer free now and sounds like had just a few problems since. That gives me a lot of hope.

Both Jonathan and I got to see friends last night. He went to visit his friends camping and some of my gal pals came over and we just hung out and caught up on all the gossip. It was nice for both of us to get that time. I've been kind of a recluse lately because of all of this, but I don't want to be. Thanks ladies for the company and trashy magazines! :)

I'm hoping to venture out for a little bit today with the hubby to the store, a test to see how I handle riding in cars and such. I plan on going back to work tomorrow. It will also be the first day I can shower since the surgery. I'll be by myself, so hopefully it all goes OK. I may skip drying my hair and just show up at work looking semi unprofessional. oh well. I also plan on a lot of couch time again today.